Father In Law

Passed away on 7/7/11 ..... around 7pm .

Above is a heart i made for one of my sister in law . .

From the hankies he used .. stuffed and filled with lavender

with a small pocket on the back incase she needed to put a

message in it for him ..

I`ve been putting off this post .. or even deciding whether to

hit publish at all .. But i think it`s for the best keeping some

of my followers up to speed .. so now ... for those who aren`t on

Facebook will know the sad news ...

And for those who wish to continue reading .. you can ..

I am being very honest and say it is my own

opinion only and experience .. so i do not wish to offend anyone ..
Death is something which we cannot avoid .. Whether it is sudden

or expected .. you are still shocked and saddened that it has

happened to a loved one . Even talking about it in this day and age ...

We can see it as something which we will deal with later ..

It`s one of those taboo subjects that people often get edgy about ,

and think .....i have plenty of time .. we never know how long we

have .. but to do some preparation for it .. does help your family

or those that are dealing with it for you .

As a family .. we are thankful that our father had prepared somethings

like life insurance to help pay for the astronomical funeral costs ..

When i say astronomical .. i am not kidding !! I was completely shocked and

to say the least fuming , at the charges we were given .. It seems that when you die ..

those left are charged such high prices at a very emotional time and

are not thinking properly themselves and do not question charges or shop around .

That said .. of course you do want to give lost ones the best or what they requested..

But it could cause more worry for those who do not have the money and they

may end up in debt with it . So .. that lesson gone through .. is to try and sort

something out for myself .. and maybe you too ..

Death is something i am afraid of ... i will openly admit it ..

I don`t like heights .. and a few other things ... But this ...

i can`t get my head around it ..

It`s probably at least 10 years .. since i have had to go to a

funeral .. so you do not think about .. you`re too busy trying to live

your life .. you see things in the media .. word of mouth etc .. and you will

just stop maybe for a moment and think maybe why .. how sad it is ..

express your sympathy and then carry on " as normal " ...

But i think because i am getting older myself .. when a death happens ,

and this seems to have affected me more than any other ..

It`s actually stopped me in my tracks and made me really think ...

My father in law died when we should have been away on holiday .

He was taken into a hospice for the final 5 days of his life ..

He was only given a bed there .. because a few days beforehand he was

very fidgety and couldn`t settle , not eating and very confused and we

could not cope between us to care for him ... Seeing him go in .. was heartbreaking

as he wanted to go home .. but it was the best place and care for him ..

Then being told that his confusion .. was the onset of the dying process ..

when i didn`t know there was one ... was the news we did not want hear ..

We were all at his bedside . most of the time .. still chatting with him

as normal and just waiting .. that`s all we could do .

I was with him when he died .. I had my head on a pillow noddding off in a chair

close by as i had done a night shift with him and had no sleep for 36 hours .

I was woken up , amidst the cries for help .. i saw him take his last breath

.... something that i will never forget .. and he was " gone " ...

Later .. with all of us around him ..... we had a drink

and toasted his life ...

I was honoured to know my father in law .. ...

To help take care of him during his last few weeks ,

never hearing once of him complaining or questioning why he had cancer

and i can still hear a thankyou Carolyn in my head i got on the

day before he went into the hospice .

He was a proud , old fashioned gentleman , who doted on

all his family ...

That`s what i want to remember ...


Sherry Smyth said...

Wishing your father-in-law restful peaceful eternity my dear.

Your comments are not at all unusual...death is something that we may never fully come to grips with; we can only hope that we remember to live while we are here.

Funeral costs are astronomical...I've arranged too many and know that well. Insurance makes a huge difference for those left behind to handle all those arrangements.

Remembering the beauty and the spirit that was your father-in-law is what he would want and it is the best way to move forward. What a blessing that he had you with him as he left this world for the next. ♥

Robin said...

So sorry for your loss Carolyn. It's great that you remember him the way that you do.


Anonymous said...

Sorry for your loss Carolyn and I know that he went in peace and is thankful for his family being around him. Blessings,

PEA said...

My Christmas wish for you, my friend
Is not a simple one
For I wish you hope and joy and peace
Days filled with warmth and sun

I wish you love and friendship too
Throughout the coming year
Lots of laughter and happiness
To fill your world with cheer

May you count your blessings, one by one
And when totaled by the lot
May you find all you've been given
To be more than what you sought

May your journeys be short, your burdens light
May your spirit never grow old
May all your clouds have silver linings
And your rainbows pots of gold

I wish this all and so much more
May all your dreams come true
May you have a Merry Christmas friend
And a happy New Year, too .. xoxo

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