What About Me... ?

While cleaning my bedroom this morning , i had the television on . It had one of those chat show morning programmes that we all seem to have these days .
I was not intending to post today , but one of the subjects made me stop , and watch it . Then i had to say something on here about it .

On came a man , who`s wife had breast cancer . A double mastectomy , and was on the long road to recovery . So why was he on ? He was telling his side of the " story " , of being "left out " in his wife`s cancer `s diagnosis , to operation , to recovery .

And i had a light bulb moment , of me thinking of well , yes i am " guilty " of not thinking how the cancer partners feelings are taken into consideration .
He chatted about him feeling alone , and not having someone outside to talk to about it . So he had to resort to finding out himself , from the internet , all the jargon words they use while consulting his wife . He felt excluded in the discussion , even though he was present throughout all of his wife`s . And went onto say , and i don`t think he was selfish in saying so , " Nobody has ever asked how i am feeling " . Yes relatives came to visit us both , but always asked me , how is she doing ? All their attention was on her , and i felt even more left out .
I felt for that man , not pity , but him having to go through it on his own , when he had a traumatic enough time to deal with .

So how could i not see this , and not ask my sister how her husband is dealing with this ?
All your attention is on the one who is having to " deal with it ". And i was blind to the fact i didn`t think of him .

It`s also a question i could have asked Sherry , but not thought of it , until it was made public , to make you think , well yes how are you doing ? . Yes i did feel the need to get the message out there more , and to show that there is hope for all " sufferer`s " and "survivors " . I was more focused on Sherry and her inspiration to give to others out there . Not that i want to take anything away from that , but i apologise to you .
Maybe it could be a subject to write yourself about Sherry ? If you have not done already .

Yes i know men will be men , and put on a brave front , because they will be seen as "weak " , and not ment to cry . But they have feelings too , even if they seem they don`t want help , and not show their feelings as much women , they could be crying inside .

So amidst all your questions and concerns , have a little thought for their partners please .
I know i will do now .....


Sherry said...

Your heart is bigger than you body can contain my friend!!

This is a subject that comes up often and I have been thinking about posting on it in a few ways. I've mentioned it in passing when I post about other things because it is a very real issue.

Serious issues like cancer, or any terminal illness affect everyone...spouses, children, friends and there is no proper outlet for that. The focus is on the person who has the illness or disease, but very often everyone else is forgotten about.

The same can be said for's not just how is your brother-in-law feeling, how is he handling it? How is Carolyn coping with this? How is Carolyn feeling about her sister's situation?

I was blessed to have friends who cared about my husband and my children and asked me often how I thought they were coping, how they were feeling. I'm not sure anyone ever asked them directly.

Excellent post and something that I will certainly explore!!

Sherry said...

Carolyn, go see me at Esprit today..I've left something there for you! xoxo

Meggie said...

Great post, Carolyn. As a nurse, we try to consider what families go thru when a loved one is ill. Thanks for the reminder.

PEA said...

I've always said that sometimes it's harder on the mate who is healthy than the mate who is ill. I saw what my dad having cancer did to my mom and I never wish that on anybody. Excellent post dear Carolyn! xox